Conflicts and contradictions

 There are days I wake up early enough to greet
 the morning sun,
feeling boosted and ready to spread yoga mat,
 and then there are days,
 when I am straight at the breakfast table the
 moment, I open my eyes.
Some nights I feel incompetent and drained, and
 then on the other moons when positivity and
 energy overflow.
I often talk about love all dreamy and shimmery,
as if it's the ultimate source of a meaningful life,
but then every cell in my body screams with
 practicality, skepticism and utter disbelief.
As the year pass, I've learned how we can
 gaslight our own feelings to the point where I
 believe it's all a mind game, yet I've also have
 tasted the bitterness of helplessness and
 surrender.
I can confidently stand on a stage and stare into
 hundreds of eyes, but the next moment,
I'll be completely silent and red on a table of
 two.....